13 September | Medieval Feast = Horror of Horrors

Ok, so when Roscoe (the professor I am TAing for here) emailed me a few months ago to tell me that we were going to a Medieval Feast, I kept my mouth shut. I figured that it couldn’t be all that bad—we are in England, right? And it was right on the Thames, and it would be a good way to get the students all out to eat together. I figured it couldn’t be as bad as Medieval Times is in the States, and besides, I remember when we went there for our 8^th grade trip, it was actually interesting because there were all kinds of gross torture devices and the soup was good.

Fast forward to tonight’s dinner. Picture Medieval Times, but the horses and jousting were replaced by actors in bad costumes singing “Greensleeves” and a jester with a tennis racket around his neck (why?) juggling five plastic balls. We were in a building that might have been interesting, but I couldn’t really tell because we were in a brick basement. They flickered the lights at the beginning, and a voice over a microphone informed us that we were “travelling back to the past.” Then King Henry the 8^th and Queen Anne came out, were introduced with a song, and they brought out salad with no dressing, vegetable broth, dry chicken and boiled potatoes and overcooked carrots. I have heard that food in England leaves something to be desired, but this was really bad. I was starving when I got there, and I am still a little hungry now. During all this, there was mandatory cheering, clapping, and fist-pounding on the table—the “wenches” went around and scolded us if we did not participate in the compulsory revelry. King Henry hit on me. One of the wenches kissed Roscoe. They ended the dinner with a mandatory conga line.

 As I write this I am laughing, because it was so very, very bad—I couldn’t have invented this night if I tried. I wasn’t going to drink, but there was a carafe of wine on the table, and it’s possible that the vino is the only thing that saved me—I laughed the entire time at the impossible agony of the whole situation. The students looked bewildered at first, then just completely miserable. I felt bad but also thought about how hopefully, they will look back on this as a bonding experience: I think we did the absolute worst part of the trip at the very beginning and got it out of the way.